A Topic of Global Importance

A Topic of Global Importance

Hello, good day to you all and especially to the reader with a 25-second focus because I’ll be presenting to you the thing closest to me. I can go on for hours about why this was God’s best invention. Now that I am just one sentence through and already diminishing your interest every passing second, it's time to unveil this topic of global importance:


Normally a person would wonder if it is possible to write that long about watermelons, But I had no ordinary childhood. To be really specific, I’ll have to take myself and all of you with me on a trip to Nostalgia. This was me obsessed with watermelons as a kid:

A fun story that’s not so fun anymore: I loved watermelon so much back 6-7 years ago that, I used to even eat a small amount of the white part of the watermelon. Then I grew up and realized that’s not cool at all. I also realized that if my other backbencher friends realized I ate the white part of the watermelon I would straight up have to change sections.

Now that we have graduated from kid Vaib obsessing over watermelons, Let's see how my family collectively curated my obsession.

See from their Point of View, me eating Watermelons would technically be the best solution to most of their problems.

A) watermelons are cheap. 20 bucks and you get a Kilo of watermelon. 100 bucks and you get a 5kg watermelon. Every day can be a Shiv Rathri if you are focused enough.

B) When other parents took their kids to dentists for cavities and whatnot, me and my parents would chill and go out for watermelon juice. Chocolate is for noobs.

C) We stayed in Gujarat till I was in second grade, and there was literally nothing called being too hydrated. Watermelon, the professional in this aspect flamboyantly enters the chat.

D) Because of watermelon, I finally have my CV ready for all future prospects

Yes, I can eat watermelons without eating a single seed. That proves Attention to detail, Precision, controlling crisis, management of resources, and numerous other qualities that I am sure any employer out there is looking for.

Let's get super serious for a minute and channel our inner voice of wanting to eat healthy. The Nutritional benefits of watermelon are:

A) Literally 92% of watermelon is water.

B) You burn all the calories it provides while cutting it.

C) Rich in Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Potassium, and Magnesium.

D) Honestly at this point if you need more reasons: Wikipedia *insert thumbs up*

Next up we have the unit on how to select your watermelon with a weightage of 14 marks.

AKA how to select the perfect watermelon for dummies

Let's dive right into the module:

A) Choose between stripped watermelon and dark green watermelon that I like to call: The Pakistan Watermelon. Quantity vs Quality for Price is the high-level economics involved in this.


For the cultured folks.


No wonder watermelon season ends before August.

Yes, Slap the watermelon and if it makes that hollow sound, you are good to go.

End of the module.

Note: For when you are stupid enough to pick a watermelon that’s not sweet, Sprinkle Chat masala. Thank me later.

Chat Masala Bae from a different multiverse 

If it's not already obvious, my favorite song is "Watermelon Sugar."

Corporate needs you to find the difference between the two.

After a write-up of such length, I am parched so I cut short my monologue to go to JJ for some watermelon juice.

Ft. Juice Junction, Helmet angdi pakka, Lal Bagh Milka Bagh road - 420069

Bye-bye guys thank you for reading this shit.